Sporting Event

So I had the opportunity to go to this "young single adults" activity and it was fun I made two new friends which is always nice because I miss my best friend so much!  As I was thinking about it I am just not ready to date!  I loved my x-husband a lot!  I mean I said from the time I was 15 that I was going to marry him someday.  Although I know I have made my fair share of mistakes in my marriage I never thought that those things, our problems couldn't be worked through and that is where my hurt and my lack of self-esteem come in.  I am so so so so so hurt by the events that happened in 2009!  I miss him, the cute little family we had, my in-laws...YES I LOVED MY IN-LAWS, no one could ask for a better mother-in-law let me tell you!  So as I am sitting or playing at this thing all I can think about are the things that he did that made me so happy!  Or the things that I always did or that he did that I loved!  He loves loves loves mt dew...at least he did I don't know if he still does since it has been 10 months since he has left, but anyways I would LOVE to buy mt dew from the store!  Even if we really couldn't afford it, it made him happy!  There are so many little things that I still miss that makes me not ready to date and I am ok with that I mean I was really in love with him, even if certain people think my actions spoke differently.  But who doesn't have problems in their marriages I mean really??  Sooo from taking my divorce class you know the Children Cope with Divorce they show you this picture of rushing into relationships when your damaged and what not and I just don't and won't go into a relationship damaged!  I wanted to be married to my x for all eternity, but somehow God has a different plan for me even though I hate every minute of it!  I hate not seeing Sarah on ALL the holidays I hate not having my companion anymore, I just hate a lot of things about divorce and I am hurt.  I am still attending church and even though my testimony was ROCKED to the core last year, I am sure we can all guess why, I am still holding strong to the iron rod!  I am now paying my tithing which is something he and I struggled with, I am now doing my own Family Home Evening with Sarah every monday at 7 (it used to be so much fun, in my opinion, with the family, my old family), Sarah prays every night, I always always always take her to church on my weekends, unless we are on vacation, we bless our food, and do family prayers!  For a single mom I am doing pretty good.  But it is still hard!  I have never had the priesthood in my home and neither has Sarah and I thought that was going to change but you know sometimes the things we think are not always what we expect BUT I know it is out there for her and for I!  I want to find a man that can show Sarah what the priesthood is all about!  Now her Gpa (her dad's dad) holds it and I know he sets a very good example for her everyday, even when she isn't looking I am sure he is!  I love this church...but then again maybe when I get this thing over with I will be ready because I do want the priesthood I want the temple marriage and my children to be sealed to me for all eternity...and I will figure out a way for Sarah to be sealed to me!  But the activity was really fun we played beach volleyball, I ate sand and got the sand all in my shirt and pants and you know you are in front of a whole bunch of people so you can't pick it out!!!  LOL and then I went to watch everyone play softball!!  There were a lot of people on each team I didn't play I just cheered!  It was really fun though and I love my two new friends that I made!